ENCOURAGING SECURITY IN A YOUNG CHILD

All children have fears. Anxiety and fear are normal emotions, but they make a child feel very unhappy and uneasy, and it will be some time before your toddler has the ability to cope with fears or avoid the things that make him afraid.

One of the most common early fears is of your absence or of being abandoned. The easiest way to cure this is to show your child that you will always come back as you promised and when you said you would. Fear will not be cured by staying with your child; that will only make him more fearful because he never learns to cope without you.

Your small child also begins to feel anxiety if he finds that his own feelings are getting out of control, like frustration, anger and jealousy. The way to help here is to listen and observe your toddler as closely as possible, so that you can pick up all the clues as to what is causing the anxiety and then reassure him. Talking about some of the fears and explaining what's happening will give the reassurance that he needs.

Remember that whether you think your child's fear is reasonable or unreasonable, as far as your child himself is concerned the fear is still the same. All fears have to be handled sympathetically and gently. Never suddenly present your child with whatever makes him most frightened. You wouldn't dream of asking your child to stay outside in a thunderstorm if he was afraid of thunder, so why should you expect him to pat the dog he's scared of? Whenever your child shows fear, accept that fear as real and don't brush it aside as nothing. Always tell your child when there is nothing to fear, but don't just tell him not to be afraid, because he won't understand that. Explain why there is no reason to be frightened, always tell him that you understand why he is, and sympathize with his fear. Never ridicule the fear; that will simply make your child secretive, and it is much harder for him to cope with a fear alone, than to cope with your help.